The Physician-Photographer: Images from a Perceptive Life…
The Gift: A Physician-Photographer Speaks about Work, Life and Photography.
“There are two kinds of intellect; the first is acquired – You learn and your intellect grows superior. The other intellect is God’s pure gift; its heart is in the breast of the soul.” Rumi
Serendipity: the phenomenon of suddenly finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for.
Photo: Bridge to ... Somewhere by M. Ejercito (Wisdoc) via Flickr
“Bridge to…Somewhere” was taken at Olbrich Gardens in Madison, Wisconsin. That is one of my favorite places to visit for photography. In this photo, I made everything black and white but left the color of the purple flowers on the trees. I usually don’t like to play around with Photoshop too much on my photos, but I thought it worked well in this case. M.Ejercito
Grace Bay Beach Pier by M. Ejercito (Wisdoc) via Flickr
“Grace Bay Beach Pier” was taken in Turks and Caicos in the Caribbean. This is one of my personal favorites. I went for a wonderful walk along the beach with my family and was fortunate that this wonderful pier was on the property right next to where we were staying. M.Ejercito
A while back, I had made a commitment to write a series of get-to-know-you short interviews, where I ask the same/similar set of questions of remarkable people I have met on a range of social network sites; men and women who cherish the interactions they have with others and share their gift of communication by joining the social media conversation – each in his/her own unique way. My goal remains to share insights and stories from my interviewees and present the real people behind the many usernames that greet us on myriad sites.
Today, we meet the remarkable, gifted physician/photographer – Michael Ejercito. I added the definition of the word serendipity at the top of this post because it aptly describes how I met Michael. I was searching for photos on Google Images when I came across the photograph above. I stopped, astonished at the simple, stark beauty of the shot; heaven meeting earth with no obvious lines of demarcation. It was stunning and I followed it back to its source on Flickr. Serendipity led me back to Wisdoc, Michael’s username on Flickr, where I was greeted by a panoply of spectacular photographs; a visual feast for the eyes.
I invite you to kick back and enjoy the generosity of Michael’s story and photographs. A very busy medical doctor by training, Michael still finds time to engage in one of his favorite pastimes – photography. He has “loved photography ever since I owned my first camera when I was 7 and wasted rolls of film taking blurry pictures of my model airplanes.”
“Photographers deal in things which are continually vanishing and when they have vanished there is no contrivance on earth which can make them come back again.” Henri Cartier Bresson
“The energy of the mind is the essence of life.” Aristotle
Family Baptisms: Michael, Karen and daughters via M. Ejercito
Foundation Questions:
Tell us a bit about your background: Who are you? Where did you grow up and where do you live now?
My name is Michael Ejercito. I’m 34 and married to my fantastic wife Karen Reed. We are parents to two wonderful daughters, Sierra (3 years), and Felicity (6 months). I was born in Manila, Philippines but my family moved to the United States when I was only 3 months old because my father, an Ear, Nose, and Throat physician, needed to complete his training in Virginia. We lived in Virginia for a few years then moved to Marshfield, Wisconsin; I was 4 years old and that’s where I grew up.
Marshfield is a nice quiet town right in the center of Wisconsin. Although my childhood roots were in Marshfield, I moved to Madison, when I finished high school, to complete undergraduate and medical school at the University of Wisconsin. After medical school, I moved to East Lansing, Michigan where I did my residency training specializing in Emergency Medicine; I met my beautiful wife – Karen – in East Lansing. Currently, we live in Janesville, which is in southern Wisconsin near the Illinois border.
What do you do for a living?
I am an Emergency Medicine physician. I work in 2 different hospitals in southern Wisconsin as well as in an urgent care center in northern Illinois. Most of the time, I really enjoy what I do. The difficult thing about my job is that I work all kinds of strange hours. I work some weekends and also work morning, midday, and overnight shifts and sometimes it is difficult to adjust to my ever-changing schedule. But, my work is never boring. I hear all kinds of interesting stories each day from all the patients I meet – some funny, some very sad…
Over the past few years, photography has become one of my passions and I would love to eventually make photographs on a professional level.
“Photography, as a powerful medium of expression and communications, offers an infinite variety of perception, interpretation and execution.” Ansel Adams
Paco Park by M. Ejercito (Wisdoc) via Flickr
“Paco Park” was taken in Manila, Philippines. This is a national landmark and a special place for me – that’s where my parents were married:) M.Ejercito
Healing: Rays of Light by M. Ejercito (Wisdoc) via Flickr
“Rays of Light” is also one of my personal favorites. I was actually on my way to a lake in Madison, Wisconsin to take a picture of the sunrise. But on the way there, I realized that I would be too late for the actual sunrise but was pleasantly surprised by the scene that I found. Another example of how it’s not the destination but the journey that is important:) M.Ejercito
Why did you choose the path you now follow?
I come from a strong lineage of people who have worked or still work in the medical field. Both of my parents are physicians, as well as my maternal/paternal grandfathers, and one of my uncles. I always knew that I wanted to be a physician too. I had a difficult time choosing a specialty and so I chose Emergency Medicine since it encompasses a broad range of medical problems. I see all kinds of people as patients every day – from newborns to people over 100 years old and I cherish the great satisfaction I get from helping each person.
When did you decide to make key changes in your life?
I think that a key moment of change in my life was when I finally became a parent. After spending years focusing my life on improving myself (schooling and working), becoming a father made me significantly shift my priorities from myself and my wife to our first daughter; we had a new family dynamic. I had to sacrifice my already limited spare time and put my time and energy into helping raise my daughter. So far, it has been a wonderful change. We now have two beautiful daughters whom I love very much. We do have some challenging times, but a sweet smile or beautiful laugh makes all the trouble worthwhile. I cannot imagine life without them.
“Beauty can be seen in all things, seeing and composing the beauty is what separates the snapshot from the photograph.” Matt Hardy
Larkspur Star Trails by M. Ejecito (Wisdoc) via Flickr
“Larkspur Star Trails” was taken at my sister-in-law’s home in Larkspur, Colorado. I love long exposure photography. This particular photo was exposed for about 25 minutes in order to capture the motion of the stars as they rotate around the North Star. M.Ejercito
Family Pet: Ramona in Motion by M. Ejercito (Wisdoc) via Flickr
“Ramona in Motion” was taken when I was experimenting with panning photographs. My dog Ramona loves to run and I wanted to capture her speed as she ran. This photo was taken with a shutterspeed of 1/25 of a second. While taking this photo, I had to swivel my camera to keep Ramona centered while the shutter was open to achieve this effect. M.Ejercito
Share your world view: How do you live your life and manage your household?
Our household is a very busy one. I work full-time and my wife, who is a Family Practice physician, also works full-time. Thankfully, we have a wonderful nanny who helps us out quite a bit when we are working. Juggling schedules is a daily concern especially with both of us being physicians with shifting work schedules; but we somehow always find a way to make it work. My parents live a few hours away and are usually very eager to help take care of our kids when something comes up. Despite our busy schedules, I do feel we get to spend plenty of quality time with our daughters. We also have a wonderful gentle Labrador retriever, Ramona, who completes our family.
“It takes a lot of imagination to be a good photographer. You need less imagination to be a painter, because you can invent things. But in photography everything is so ordinary; it takes a lot of looking before you learn to see the ordinary.” David Bailey
Bond Falls Tranquility by M. Ejercito (Wisdoc) via Flickr
Water Under the Bridge by M. Ejercito (Wisdoc) via Flickr
“Bond Falls Tranquility” was taken in the upper peninsula of Michigan. “Water Under the Bridge” was taken at Mulnomah Falls in Oregon. I love waterfalls! M.Ejercito
Reflective Questions:
What motivates you to get out of bed?
Most of the time, it is usually one of my daughters who wakes up and ushers in the new day. I’m not a morning person, but when I see them smile, I feel much better about starting the day. I think that, in general, the world is a beautiful place and there is so much to see and explore. Photography is also another reason to get up early and there is nothing like sunrise and the early morning light. It is a miracle watching the earth wake up from its slumber. Whether it’s coming home from a long overnight shift or exploring a beautiful scene while on vacation, being outside with nature in the morning is magical.
What makes you happy/laugh?
There are plenty of things that make me happy. Getting to spend quality time with my family is wonderful. Being active makes me happy – going for a nice run, biking, rollerblading, weightlifting – anything physical makes me happy. Of course, taking a nice picture makes me happy too. I’m also a huge sports fan – cheering for the Green Bay Packers, the Milwaukee Brewers, or the Wisconsin Badgers teams makes me smile. A yummy meal with good friends or family also makes me happy.
What makes you sad/mad?
I think that one of the things that make me sad is realizing how quickly time goes by. It makes me sad to think that my little daughters will not stay little forever. It’s hard for me to deal with the fact that everyone that I care for will sooner or later grow old and die. I try to treat everyone I am in contact with throughout the day with respect; however, if that respect is not returned it upsets me.
“Photography records the gamut of feelings written on the human face, the beauty of the earth and skies that man has inherited and the wealth and confusion man has created.” Edward Steichen
Cannon Beach by M. Ejercito (Wisdoc) via Flickr
“Cannon Beach” was taken on the coast of Oregon. I think the Oregon coast is one of the prettiest places in the world. This particular image was an 8 second exposure which I needed to capture the sense of motion of the waves there. M.Ejercito
Healing Hands: Piano Light Paint by M. Ejercito (Wisdoc) via Flickr
“Piano Light Paint” is an example of a photographic technique called light painting. My mother was kind enough to be the model for this photo:) This photo was taken in a dark room. The camera was set for the shutter to be open for about 10 seconds. During this time, I used a flashlight to illuminate the piano. The hands were illuminated for about 5 seconds and then my mother removed her hands from the photo to achieve the ghostlike effect of her hands. M.Ejercito
What would you do differently with your life if you had the power? With the world if you had the choice?
There really isn’t very much that I’d do differently with my life – I’m very content with where my life has taken me. I wouldn’t mind working less and getting to spend more time with my family. I also regret not having the chance to play football when I was in high school. My parents were very protective of me and I definitely understand their concern for me getting hurt while playing; their concern is now underscored by what I see as a physician especially when patients come to my ER because of injuries from playing football. But I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have played…
As far as changes with the world, I wish that people in general would be more tolerant of each others differences. Someone once suggested to me that the root of all wars in this world is intolerance of others. I wish people could look past differences in race, religion, and culture, and realize that we all have more in common than we are different.
What guiding principle(s) do you follow to make your life meaningful?
The Golden Rule: I’m always a firm believer of doing unto others as they would do onto you. Whether I’m interacting with family or friends, or whether I’m dealing with patients in the ER, I try to put myself in their shoes and treat them the way I imagine they would want to be treated.
I know this is another cliché, but I do believe in enjoying the journey of life and not necessarily the destination. I do find that I struggle with that sometimes. For example, when I am dealing with two screaming kids in the middle of the night, I realize that I need to just smile and treasure the moment. Time passes in the blink of an eye and before I know it, those screaming kids will be in college and I will miss the chance to see them at all hours of the night!
“No matter how slow the film, Spirit always stands still long enough for the photographer it has chosen.” Minor White
End of the Road by M. Ejercito (Wisdoc) via Flickr
“The End of the Road” was taken on Highway 128 near Moab, Utah. To me, this is one of the most scenic highways in the United States. M.Ejercito
Water Reflections: Patrick and Eamon on the beach by M. Ejercito (Wisdoc) via Flickr
“Patrick and Eamon on the beach” was taken while we were visiting the Oregon coast a few years ago. Patrick is my brother-in-law and Eamon is his son. Sometimes wonderful moments can occur when you least expect it. In this photo, a wave had just washed ashore and I was fortunate to capture their reflection – a moment later their reflection was gone. M.Ejercito
What word(s) of advice would you give to others today?
Yet another cliché – life is a marathon, not a sprint. When I was in high school, I was a sprinter on our track team and that was how I looked at life; one huge sprint. I worked hard to accomplish my short-term goals. But as I’ve grown a bit older, I’ve come to realize that life is hard work. If you want to accomplish your dream, you really do have to put in the time and energy to get to where you want to be. And it won’t necessarily happen overnight. However, through persistence and focus, you can reach your goals. These days, I have converted my running style as well as my goals in life to a more “long distance” mentality.
How would you like to be remembered?
I would like to be remembered as a good person overall. I’d like to be known as a great husband and father. I’d like my colleagues to remember me as intelligent, hardworking, and easygoing.
“A photograph is a secret about a secret. The more it tells you the less you know.” Diane Arbus
Bohol Beach Awakens by M. Ejercito (Wisdoc) via Flickr
In Repose: Bohol Beach by M. Ejercito (Wisdoc) via Flickr
“Bohol Beach” was taken on the island of Bohol in the Philippines. Last year, I was fortunate to get a chance to visit the Philippines with my family. Although I was born there, I was 3 months old when we moved from the Philippines to the U.S. I’ve only been back to the Philippines twice since then. I’d love to go back and spend more time there! M.Ejercito
Happiness is…..?
Getting to snuggle in bed with my wife and two daughters all cuddled up together on one half of the bed. It is always wonderful to come home after a long day of work and get a nice hug and kiss from my wife, hear the excited voices of my daughters, and be greeted with plenty of licks from our dog Ramona. Happiness is also getting the opportunity to enjoy Nature’s beauty – from the mountains and oceans, sunrises and sunsets, and the changing seasons – it is wonderful being able to experience it all!
Michael and his beautiful family live in Janesville, Wisconsin where, in between the grueling demands of a physician’s life, he finds time to pursue his passion for photography. You may connect with him via Wisdoc on Flickr.
Do you have a hobby that has grown into something more? Share your thoughts and comments on Michael’s piece or your own efforts at the creative process. Thank You!
Here’s wishing everyone a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING holiday!
PHOTO CREDITS
All Photographs above taken by Michael Ejercito ~ via Wisdoc on Flickr
Happy Thanksgiving bountiful basket postcard ~ via zazzle.com
Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
Precious: The Grace in Small Acts of Kindness…
Precious: The Grace in Small Acts of Kindness…
“Grace is the absence of everything that indicates pain or difficulty, hesitation or incongruity.” William Hazlitt
God's Grace: Prevails... by Night86mare via Flickr
When someone walks in and shatters your life at 12, 21 or any age, it takes tremendous grace to turn away from taking the road to abject despair, to finding the courage to regroup and rebuild a life. It also takes a simple, small gesture of kindness, the grace of a hug, a smile, a tender glance, a comforting word, to steer one away from misery to the miraculous… The film Precious is a miracle of grace; the grace shared through small acts of kindness.
Precious is the newly released film about the compelling story of a young woman, Claireece “Precious” Jones, who overcomes a life of despicable terror at the hands of her parents and triumphs in the face of incredible obstacles. The movie is a riveting adaptation of the powerful novel, PUSH, by author/poet/activist Sapphire.
As protagonist, the 16 year old, African-American, Harlem raised teen, Precious, personifies both everything we abhor and fear we might become; a victim of incest, child abuse, depraved parents, pregnant with her father’s 2nd child, overweight, illiterate, HIV positive, homophobic, xenophobic, self-hating, and everything we champion her to become; courageous, accomplished and free from oppression.
“God appoints our graces to be nurses to other men’s weaknesses.” Henry Ward Beecher
Sundance Premiere via Zimbio/Google Images: Gabby Sidibe, Mariah Carey, Lee Daniels, Mo'Nique and Paula Patton
Watch CBS News Videos Online Katie Interview with Sapphire
According to the author Sapphire, in a recent interview with Katie Couric on CBS, Precious is a composite of many young women, (and perhaps older women), she met/knew during the years she taught/counseled young women who were survivors of horrific abuse. These women though damaged by abuse and deep in the recovery process, had such strong spirits of defiance and a will to survive that it helped give the author the impetus to create her classic novel ~ PUSH.
While the name Precious might seem ironic for a character that is treated as irrelevant and suffers horrific abuse, her name should be a constant reminder to all of us to treat each other with compassion and care. If we are galvanized to, at least, identify/report abuse and help another find hope and a chance at life, then, we have made a great difference in someone’s life.
Precious speaks for those silent and/or silenced by abuse and God’s grace and people’s grace guide her to push past her hurt and accomplish what she is destined to do and become. We can all be angels of light on this journey called life and every random act of kindness reverberates throughout the earth and touches many others in its stead. The grace in small things endures.
“Grace has been defined as the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul.” William Hazlitt
Refracted Mandala: We Stumble towards Light with varying degrees of Grace
For Precious, the grace and blessings in small things came through acts of selflessness and kindness shown to her by others; the teacher (Ms. Rain) who diligently helps her learn to read; the social worker (Mrs. Weiss) and nurse (Kravitz’s character) who encourage her to both seek help and find her own inner courage and goodness. Each person offered a glimpse of hope, a moment of grace to push Precious forward in her journey to redemption from oppression and dysfunction. It takes one person to step forward and extend a helping hand to another soul…
The generosity others showed Precious in the film reminded me of an incident many years ago, before ATMs, when I found myself stranded in a big city with no means to get back to my original destination. I walked into a bank, quite distraught, and a kind teller gave me just enough to get me home. She graciously accepted the check I gave her, drawn on another bank, but never cashed it. Her kindness has stayed with me.
“Grace is from our side a choice, from the divine side it is a seizing upon, an apprehending, a conquest by the Most High. Our ”accepting” and ”willing” are reactions rather than actions. The right of determination must always remain with God.” A. W. Tozer
Glass Mandala Lotus: The Grace in all Things... via Suki Quin
A spiritual teacher once said that when we pray or ask for grace, we must seek the highest good and ask for God’s grace and people’s grace. After all, it is at each others hands that we learn to love, experience life, see the face and grace of God.
Where has grace touched you? Who has shown you a small act of kindness, a much needed glance? Who have you helped today? Share your thoughts.
PHOTO CREDITS
God’s Grace by Night86mare ~ via Flickr
Precious Sundance Premiere ~ via Zimbio/Google Images
Refracted Mandala by F. Decomite – via Flickr/Google Images
Glass Mandala lotus by Suki Quin ~ via Google Images
Videos ~ via CBS News and YouTube
Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
Be Yourself; Everyone Else is Already Taken!
Be Yourself; Everyone Else is Already Taken!
“Wherever you are, whatever your age, you are only a thought away from changing your life.” Dr. Wayne Dyer
Do You: Meditate and Reflect on Yourself
Recently, I decided to work on a series of get-to-know-you short interviews with some remarkable people I’ve met through several social networking sites; men and women who cherish the interactions they have with others and share their gift of communication by joining the social media conversation – each in his/her own unique way. My format is quite simple, I ask my interviewees the same/similar set of questions and get wonderful answers back that are varied and insightful.
This week, I bring you another remarkable person, Deana Wilmink Martina. Deana and I connected on Twitter back in the day when sending out marathon Follow Friday kudos were ubiquitous. We soon found out, through our online conversations, that we both traveled around early in our lives, settled down in countries that weren’t our place of birth, married and manage busy households, love uplifting quotes and brilliant photography. While I live and work in New York and she in The Netherlands, our friendship has grown in spite of our virtualverse/twitterverse beginnings and our distance.
Deana’s new blog, Blogging Baby Boomer, covers a range of topics on life, work and other matters. As a self declared baby boomer, she is always eager to learn, share ideas, enjoy sports and a good laugh. While Deana might not play Bocce, Tennis is her sport of choice, she has solid ideas on making money from and for the baby boomer crowd and interested readers of the piece by Scott Adams of Dilbert fame. will enjoy her blog too.
“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Confucious
View over Curacao
At Home: Deana and Pointer
Foundation Questions:
Tell us a bit on your background: Who are you? Where did you grow up and where do you live now?
I’m Deana Martina, 61 years old and married to Ronald Wilmink. We are parents to two sons; Patrick and Niels. The eldest (Patrick) is 21 years and Niels is 19, turning 20 next month. Both are students and they still live at home with us. I was born into a big family. My mother had 8 children. She was a twin and had two sets of twins.
I was born on Curaçao, an island in the Caribbean. I was 5 years old when my mother started to get sick and soon she took one of my sister’s and me to an orphanage, where I lived until I was 18. My mother never really got better and died when I was almost 11 years old. I must say that it wasn’t a pleasant time… I have always tried to block out that time in my life, so I could turn my life around without looking back.
When I was a teenager, I decided that I would not copy my mother’s life. I didn’t want my children to have the same experiences I had growing up. So I chose to live a completely different life from my mother’s life. I left my native Island when I was 22. I went back home soon after, then I returned to Europe again at 29 and never left. Today, the village of Wildervank in The Netherlands is home to me and my family.
“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it…”
- Mahatma Gandhi
Groot Wildervank via RTV Noord
What do you do for a living?
At the moment, I am both an entrepreneur and a stay-at-home mom. I’m building a home based business and recently started writing a blog called Blogging Baby Boomer where I share my views on life, work, books and more. I was an employee for 37 years until I lost my job in 1999. For a short time during my 37 year career, I worked as a Credit Controller. The rest of my time in the Corporate World, I worked in the Accounting department of a mid-sized firm. I was responsible for payroll for 21 years.
After searching for new work for quite some time, I decided to follow my own path and start my own business. I’m building a Network Marketing Business from home and using the internet to expose and expand it. Making valuable network and wellness connections are important parts of the business. Before moving to this village, Wildervank, in the countryside, I lived in the City, Groningen, for 24 years and had a network that I don’t have anymore. Rebuilding/building my network will add to the excitement of being an entrepreneur.
Why did you choose the path you now follow?
Being out of a job and living on what my husband earns was not giving our family the room to do anything extra. All our savings were used up during the years after my job loss. I felt that I could do a lot more than just wait for my retirement. Once I realized, in my opinion, that employers will not hire older employees, I chose to become an entrepreneur. I now have some new goals in my life. The transformation from an employee to an entrepreneur is very exciting because I can aim higher and reap the full rewards.
When did you decide to make key changes in your life?
I started to make changes in my life at a fairly young age; leaving the Caribbean, moving to Europe and building a new life there. I’ve been married once before and Ronald is my second spouse. We met at a tennis tournament, where we both competed. We love the sport and continue to play mixed couples tennis at our Country Club.
“Be yourself, everyone else is already taken!” Oscar Wilde
View over The Netherlands via Larry Kikstra
Share your world view: How do you live your life and manage your household?
Officially I’m a stay at home Mom, building a home based business. My husband has a job and brings in the family income. We live in a country where everyone is entitled to get a Scholarship to study at a University or College, as long as they qualify and get admitted. Regardless of your parent’s financial situation, every college bound student in The Netherlands receives a scholarship.
My favorite quotes are: “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken!” by Oscar Wilde and “There is no greater beauty than the real YOU” via Nappturality. Both impact the way I plan to market my new business. My view on the world is that we are in the information era and the Internet is the perfect way to educate and inform people about industries and products lots of people don’t know are available to them. The Wellness Industry is one major Industry that will grow in the coming years.
Paul Zane Pilzer had a definition of wellness in an article he wrote in 2004 in the magazine Success from Home. He wrote; “Here is how I define Wellness: Wellness is money you spend to make yourself feel healthier, even when you’re not “sick” by any standard medical terms.”
The Baby Boomer generation, those born between 1946 and 1964, is the largest generation around today and Baby Boomers are living longer than in previous generations.
They want to see better, hear better, be stronger, have a strong immune system and fight the symptoms of aging. So they will spend money in the Wellness Industry. The Wellness Industry will continue to grow and through the Internet, people can be educated and informed about the products and services available to them.
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.” B. Olatunji
Bloom by Mike McPinatton
Reflective Questions:
What motivates you to get out of bed?
This new life, building a people oriented business, studying people and building relationships with people offline and online is so exciting to me. Seeing my grown up sons enjoy life with their friends and learning a lot of new skills myself. Having my spouse support me in what I do; all of this motivates me to get out of bed.
One of my life goals is to help with projects on my native Island to raise awareness for the younger generation; especially girls. I want them to become whomever they want to become and to take responsibility for their own lives. I believe education is a way out of the difficult situations women experience while living in such a masculine community. They can change their own reality without having to flee the island, like I did.
What makes you happy/laugh?
I love comedies. Both of my sons have a good sense of humor and like to tell jokes, or funny stories. So does my spouse. We have a dog, Pointer, and he is always so happy to see us, even when we’ve left him for only 30 minutes or so. Looking back, as most people tend to do when they reach my age, I am happy with how I managed to live my life mostly on my terms.
What makes you sad/mad?
What makes me sad is when I think, read, hear and realize that so little has changed for many women and children on my native Island.
There isn’t much that makes me mad. I have to admit that because I don’t have bosses to report to like I used to when I worked and lived in the Big City, I am less angry. Now we live in a peaceful, small village in the countryside.
What would you do differently with your life if you had the power? With the world if you had the choice?
If I only knew then, what I know now, I would have done things differently. I would have started learning the skills to become an entrepreneur earlier in my life. I would have avoided conforming to the mass beliefs that holding a regular, 9 to 5 job was the ideal.
If I could, I would change the world around me, by changing things on my native Island. I would offer all young girls the opportunity to gain more knowledge through education and help them to become aware of the power we all have within us to become what we want to be. I will teach them to take responsibility for their own reality and be aware of the fact that male dominance can only continue if we permit it to continue.
“We don’t see things the way they are. We see things the way WE are.” Talmud
Look for the Light Within ~ Northern Lights via VladStudio
What guiding principle(s) do you follow to make your life meaningful?
First of all I have this mantra: Be yourself, everyone else is taken! I try to learn the Universal laws and the process of daily living; I learn what I need to function on my life path. Some other principles include, blocking out negative thoughts and deciding what I permit to enter my mind; becoming aware of the law of prosperity and “letting go” of things I don’t need for important things I need to reach my goal; and permitting only the information I need to help me get the skills I need to succeed. I believe I can become the person I need to be to have the success I’m looking for.
What word(s) of advice would you give to others today?
I would advice others, not to depend solely on a job, but to learn the skills to become an entrepreneur. Gone are the days when we imitated the actions of the majority and expected to have a job for life; that time is over. I would advice people to depend less on Government welfare as they change the rules anytime they want. Be responsible for your own income.
How would you like to be remembered?
This is a tough one. I haven’t thought about that yet… I don’t know. However, I would like my sons to remember me as a good mother and my spouse to remember me as a good spouse.
Happiness is…..?
Happiness is for me being surrounded by the people I love the most, knowing that they feel good. At a different time in my life I would have thought of something else. Now I enjoy chatting with my sister on the phone and laughing with her even though we live more than 300 km apart. Seeing my kids being happy makes me happy.
Deana Wilmink Martina lives in a beautiful little village outside Groningen and recently started writing a spirited Baby Boomer Blog. You may connect with her on Twitter at this link @DeanaMartina
What are your reactions to this subject? Enjoy the piece and share your feedback with us. Thank You!
PHOTO CREDITS:
Meditation Too ~ via Google Images
View over Curacao ~ via Google Images
At Home: Deana and Pointer ~ via DWM
Groot Wildervank ~ via RTV Noord
View over The Netherlands ~via Larry Kikstra
Blooming Canola Flowers ~ via Mike McPinatton
Northern Lights ~ via VladStudio
Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
An Interview with a Monk: Change is a Process. Happiness is not a Location
An Interview with a Monk: Change is a Process. Happiness is not a Location…
“If you are seeking, seek us with joy; for we live in the kingdom of joy.
Do not give your heart to anything else but to the love of those who are clear joy.
Do not stray into the neighborhood of despair; for there are hopes: they are real, they exist – Do not go in the direction of darkness – I tell you: suns exist.” Rumi
Meditative Process: The Shifting Seeds of Change...
As a social media fan, I enjoy the connections and exchanges I have with many of the remarkable people I meet on social network sites. Whether on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, Triiibes, Problogger community, Plaxo, YouTube or a slew of other smaller sites, I often reach out and connect with fabulous folk across the global village we call the internet.
Recently, I decided to work on a series of get-to-know-you interviews, where I ask the same/similar set of questions, of some of these remarkable people; men and women who cherish the interactions they have with others and share their gift of communication by joining the social media conversation – each in his/her own unique way. The goal is to share insights and stories from others and put a real person behind a blog image we see.
“If the Universe is the Answer…What is the Question?” Leon Lederman
Let the Setting Sun fill us with Divinity...
Frankly, I think that everyone who makes the concerted effort to join a network site, link in with others, face friends from past and present, tweet, digg, stumble or blog their thoughts, fears or good fortune is remarkable. My interviews are with remarkable people just like You, You, and You… Our first guest, Sadhvi Siddhali Shree, has been practicing yoga and meditation since she was 17 years old, served her country in Iraq and recently took the vows of monkhood in 2008. We connected on problogger community and I was struck by her warmth and sincerity in addressing spiritual topics and her own journey. Join the conversation or send me an email if you’d like me to add your story to the series…
“In order to change the world, we must first change ourselves.” – Acharya Shree Yogeesh
In a Meditative Pose: Sadhvi Siddhali Shree
Foundation Questions:
Tell us a bit about your background – Who are you?
Sadhvi Siddhali Shree a 25 year old initiated monk, once served as an Army Medic Sergeant in OIF III, Tikrit, Iraq in 2005, and holds a Bachelors Degree in Communications.
Siddhali Shree began her spiritual search at 17 and met her teacher in 2004. Her hunger to learn and grow on the path led her to become a fully initiated monk in 2008. Sadhvi Siddhali Shree (Sanskrit name translates to “Shining in the Row of Liberated Souls”) is the new name she received from her spiritual teacher, Acharya Shree Yogeesh, on the day of her initiation as a monk. The prefix, Sadhvi, is a title, which means “spiritual aspirant.”
Where did you grow up and where do you live now?
Born and raised in Los Angeles, California, Siddhali Shree moved, after her initiation into monk hood, to a small village called Windom, Texas; about an hour North East of Dallas. Moving from a large city populated in the millions, to a small village with a population of 250 was a very interesting switch. After some adjustment, Siddhali Shree learned to love the idyllic setting and slow pace of Windom and now prefers living in the peaceful countryside rather than return to the frenetic pace of living in the city. She understands the yogic tenet that happiness is not a location and remains “happy wherever I go…”
When did you make this important change in your life?
Siddhali Shree started her spiritual journey at a young age; prompted by an inner urge to learn more about the spiritual path and selfless service. She met her spiritual teacher, Acharya Shree Yogeesh, in March 2004, got deployed to Iraq in September 2004 through December 2005 when she returned to the USA. She enrolled in college, graduated from California State University, Long Beach, in May 2008, and became a monk September 2008. The whirlwind pace of her relatively new role has not relented and Siddhali Shree has embraced her responsibilities with passion and good cheer.
“All meaningful and lasting change starts first in your imagination and then works its way out. Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Albert Einstein
Behind the Mask: Change is Good...
Why did you choose the path you now follow?
I became a spiritual monk because I knew this will be one of my life’s purpose. I’ve always envisioned myself helping, inspiring, and motivating others to grow spiritually. While I know it’s not necessary to become a monk in order to teach and help others, for me, it was something I needed to do. Dedicating my life completely to something, and withdrawing from daily mundane society, was a huge step for my personal path because most people don’t have the courage to do it or even want to. I know that by becoming a monk I will not earn millions of dollars or even have a family, but in my case, these things are not important to me… What is important is for me to improve myself, grow, and help others do the same.
How do you live your life, manage your space and your worldview?
I live my life by doing my best to practice nonviolence in my actions, speech, and thoughts. It’s not always the easiest thing to do, but it’s something I try to live by every moment of the day.
Through the principle of nonviolence, we learn to feel oneness with all living beings. When we are in complete oneness with something, how can we be angry, revengeful, greedy or jealous? By living nonviolently, I am trying to increase my higher qualities of love, compassion, calmness, and peace.
My view of the world is always changing; changing for the better that is. I’ve realized that when we start to understand ourselves better, our real self – soul, then we begin to understand and know others, too. I’m not referring to the outer self, but the inner self.
Once people start to work on themselves and remove the layers of illusion that cover their thinking, then there will peace in this world. People are trapped under negativity and ignorance; yet, underneath is a precious and pure soul.
When there is anger, ego and greed, peace can never prevail. Like my spiritual teacher says, “When you change yourself, you change the world.” If people become more peaceful, the world will be peaceful.
What else do you do while living life as a monk?
Aside from living the monk lifestyle, which includes daily meditation, spiritual practices, and practicing constant awareness, I am the Spiritual Retreat Director for Siddhayatan Spiritual Retreat, located in Dallas, Texas. It is a newly established retreat center that has future plans to become a pilgrimage site, monastery, and fully established ashram. Part of my responsibilities includes teaching students, spiritual counseling, doing healing and motivational work, and handling administrative duties at the retreat.
I recently launched, in September 2009, a spiritual blog, Hidden Treasures of the Soul,which offers spiritual wisdom and insight from a monk’s perspective of the spiritual path.
“Those tender words we said to one another are stored in the secret heart of heaven.
One day, like the rain, they will fall and spread, and their mystery will grow green over the world.” Rumi
The Meditation Mandala: See God in All...
Reflective Questions:
1.What motivates you to get out of bed?
Each day on the spiritual path is another opportunity to practice my sadhana (spiritual practices), to grow spiritually, meditate, and learn some soul awakening teachings from my teacher.
2. What makes you happy/laugh?
Happiness is an emotion to me, and is very temporary, so I will use the word contentment. What makes me content is seeing my own spiritual growth and meeting those who wish to do the same.
3. What makes you sad/mad?
Like happiness, sadness is an emotion, too. However, hearing bad news like finding out someone in the family is sick or has died gets me sad for a few moments. Then, I remind myself that getting sick can be a person’s karma and death is natural; then I am back to my calm and content state.
When there is understanding and realization, being happy or sad happens less. When we lead a spiritual life, we are less likely to get attached. We learn balance, our awareness level increases beyond the duality of happiness and sadness and we can become neutral and peaceful.
“A man may be the greatest philosopher in the world but a child in RELIGION. When a man has developed a high state of spirituality he can understand that the kingdom of heaven is within him.” Swami Vivekananda
The Reflected Pathway by Keith Laban
4. What would you do differently with your life if you had the power? With the world if you had the choice?
With regards to how my life has turned out, I wouldn’t change a thing; experiences lead people to make certain choices, and so I am happy where I am. Reflecting on my past, I would’ve become a vegetarian as a child. As for the present, I take one day at a time on my spiritual path. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, so everyday I just work on myself, which leads to a better and changed me somehow, someway.
For the world, if I had the power, I would like everyone to practice vegetarianism and stop the slaughter of animals. If the world was vegetarian, or at least the leaders of the world were, there would definitely be more peace and rationality.
5. What guiding principle(s) do you follow to make your life meaningful?
I live by several principles, but they are mainly rooted in nonviolence – to live nonviolently in my thoughts, actions, and speech. Anger, greed, ego, killing animals or bugs are forms of violence. To live each moment in the constant awareness of not hurting or killing any living form is a challenging principal to live by, but it is probably the most important principle to live by for the spiritual seeker.
6. What word(s) of advice would you give to others today?
The only person we have the power to change is our self. Become aware of negative habits and begin to slowly improve yourself. Change does not happen overnight; it is a gradual process. Inspiration and motivation help promote change, but deep down, one needs to have the will-power to change. If you decide to change, always remind yourself, that no matter the ups and downs, you will stick to the goal and bring about positive change.
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” Mahatma Gandhi
Chinese Symbol and Proverb for Happiness...
7. How would you like to be remembered?
I’d like to be remembered for being just a simple person that had the heart and determination to change herself, and inspire others.
8. Happiness is…..?
Happiness is temporary. By practicing meditation, finding things you love to do and are passionate for, improving your life, and knowing your soul’s calling, you will experience lasting peace which everyone has the potential to experience. All it takes is self-effort… YOU CAN DO IT!
“God is the highest form of the soul… God is omnipotent. God is bliss…” Acharya Shree Yogeesh
Reflections: Let the Sun fill us with Happiness...
Sadhvi Siddhali Shree lives at the Siddhayatan Spiritual Retreat Center and writes a beautiful Spiritual Blog, Hidden Treasures of the Soul, which you can read by also clicking on this link You may reach her on Twitter: @SiddhaliShree
What are your thoughts on the subject? Stay a while and share your feedback with us. Thank You!
PHOTO CREDITS:
Glowing Meditation ~ Google Images
Setting Sun ~ Google Images
Sadhvi Siddhali Shree ~ via same
Behind the Mask ~ Google Images
Meditation Mandala ~ Google Images
Reflected Pathway ~ Keith Laban
Chinese Happiness Symbol ~ Google Images
Reflections:Sunny Meditation ~ Google Images
Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
Womensphere: Empowering Women to Connect
Womensphere: Empowering Women to Connect and Highlights from the October 2009 Global Summit
“If a woman is sufficiently ambitious, determined and gifted – there is practically nothing she can’t do” Helen Lawrenson
Womensphere Conference: Women's Power = Leadership. Entrepreneurship. Innovation.
Womensphere is: a global community of women leaders that gathers, connects and empowers women from diverse backgrounds to “unleash potential, create opportunity, inspire impact… and solve important global and local issues.” www.womensphere.org
Recently, on October 24 2009, I attended the wonderfully organized global summit held by Womensphere at the Tribeca Performing Arts Center on Chambers Street in New York City. It was an impressive gathering of successful, powerful and engaged women eager to listen, learn and share their stories and advice so others can arm themselves with the right tools on their journey to success.
The gathering which was titled: “Global Summit 2009 – Leadership. Entrepreneurship. Innovation” promised to inspire and empower us to effectively and successfully pursue our personal dreams, career goals and entrepreneurial ventures. Annalisa Balares, CEO/Founder of Womensphere, with her dedicated team of volunteers, keynote speakers and leadership roundtable guest speakers did not disappoint.
” Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less.” Susan B. Anthony
Pray The Devil Back to Hell ~ Movie Poster
To sweeten the deal, attendees had the opportunity to attend the inaugural Womensphere Film Festival which featured five acclaimed films made by female producers/filmmakers namely:
Pray the Devil Back to Hell: This story is about the courageous women of Liberia and their nonviolent struggle for peace and freedom. ~ by Abbey Disney and Gini Riticker
Tapestries of Hope: Shares the story of a remarkable community of refugees from Burma working against incredible odds to help their own. ~ by Michelle Titus
Crossing Midnight: Discusses the horror of young girls and infants being raped and contracting AIDS in Zimbabwe simply because men with AIDS are counseled by traditional healers that rape will cure them. ~ by Kim Snyder
Birth: A story about a 17 year old pregnant girl scared to give birth and comforted by older women who share their own scary birthing stories with her ~ by Signe Baumane
Wild Horse of the Eastern Barrier Islands: Tells the story of the conservation of the oldest breed and last remaining wild horses in the United States. ~ by Cass O’Meara
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you.” Attributed to Nelson Mandela Inaugural Speech and via Marianne Williamson
Abha Dawesar (Babyji et al) and Madeline Nelson-Small (FFAWN) as panelists
Barbara Adachi and Nancy Pedot as morning panelists
The morning keynote session kicked off with short presentations and then a panel discussion by five very successful women who spoke poignantly and powerfully about their individual journeys to personal and career achievements.
Abha Dawesar – Award-winning International Novelist.
***Abha spoke about the need to stand true to self and find that voice woven in the spider’s web of our intricate lives. She shared stories about her journey from India to international success and believes that focus can help us realize seemingly impossible goals
Barbara Adachi – National Managing Principal, Initiative for the Retention & Advancement of Women, Deloitte LLP
***Barbara spoke beautifully about the circuitous road she took from a secretarial position to professional success. She shared her personal life lessons for success via her Five (5) Cs ~ Clarity, Connections, Confidence, Communication and Courage. As we practice these principles, the collective flame gets stronger and our vision and will create our success.
Madeline Nelson-Small – Executive Director, Mary J. Blige and Steve Stoute Foundation for the Advancement of Women Now (FFAWN)
***Madeline shared her journey from a difficult scattered childhood to her blog about “I like what I see when I walk by the mirror” and her new role as director for Mary J. Blige’s foundation for women. She sees the relationship between hope, encouragement and education as pathways to success.
Nancy Pedot – Managing Director, Golden Seeds; Former CEO, Gymboree
***Nancy shared her career journey from one success to the next and her decision when her son was 13 to resign from her high powered career path so she could be home to see him through HS. She believes we can stage our lives and never do it alone and that as organizations grow, leaders must innovate as they create and plan for NOW.
Shazi Visram, CEO of Happy Baby Organic foods for little ones...
Shazi Visram – CEO/Founder, HAPPYBABY and 2nd Runner up to the NBC- American Express SHINE A LIGHT national small business contest.
***Shazi shared the financial struggles of running an independent business and the joy of seeing it finally make a profit. She reminded everyone that the trials and tribulations that happen when a new business goes through its growing pains are worth bearing especially for the sake of working for yourself and your own financial success.
“Courage allows the successful woman to fail and learn powerful lessons from the failure so that in the end, she didn’t fail at all.” Maya Angelou
Suzy Welch speaks at the Womensphere global summit
After a short break, we were roundly entertained and inspired by a riveting presentation by the brilliant and effable Suzy Welch – Best selling Author of 10-10-10: A Life-Transforming Idea, Co-Author of the bestselling book Winning, and respected Journalist.
***Suzy spoke about the 10.10.10 approach to life and how daily she makes a list of people to thank and honors it; about having a system and strategy for self growth; about spreading our joy and positive energy; and asking self three questions: What would you regret at 70? What would you want people to say when you’re gone? What do you like/dislike about your upbringing? These questions are meant to trigger deep emotional responses and spur us to action.
Suzy shared how, during difficult times in her life, she would go to her attic and jog to Mary J. Blige’s song “No More Drama.” She reminded us that great leaders reflect the glory of their teams and that we must be vigilant about the two deadly Gs; gut and guilt which should be controlled. The point she was making here is that women should not spend time wallowing in guilt when they make decisions that empower them to take control of their own lives; even if it means not being fully available 24/7 to others around them.
After lunch, which included a special VIP book signing segment with Suzy Welch, the afternoon sessions began. I must add that during lunch, I sat at a table with Rama Louis, staff accountant for the nonprofit group DonorsChoose.org; an online site that provides much needed materials to the poorest schools/classrooms and relies on donations from people like you and me. This is truly a worthy cause deserving of our support.
“Love and respect a woman. Look to her not only for comfort, but for strength and inspiration and the doubling of your intellectual and moral powers. Blot out from your mind any idea of superiority; you have none.” Giuseppe Mazzini
Beth Schoenfeldt, CEO Collective-E speaking
Maura Curtin of SMAC during afternoon panel session
For the afternoon sessions, there were 4 leadership Roundtables with guest speakers (we could choose 2 of 4 to attend as they ran concurrently) and this was topped off with the closing keynote speakers. All the speakers shared their thoughts and tales on a range of topics under the three key themes of Leadership, Entrepreneurship and Innovation.
The first Roundtable I attended tackled the topic of Building a Business and Brand in Challenging Times. The panelists, made up of some of the most successful female entrepreneurs today, agreed that knowing your brand story and what the customer wants and says about you is critical to your survival. The message is more important than the image.
Moderator Jane Wesman, President & Founder, Jane Wesman PR Inc, had Beth Schoenfeldt CEO, Collective-E and Founder/former CEO, Ladies Who Launch; Karen Muir COO, Blue Legacy International; Kathlin Argiro, Fashion Designer/CEO, Kathlin Argiro Atelier; Maura Curtin, Executive Director, Social Media Advertising Consortium and Shazi Visram, CEO/Founder, HappyBaby Inc, discussing the finer points of branding and distinguishing your perceived value from the real thing.
Someone suggested that logotournament.com was an excellent site to bid for logo designs and the subsequent discussions prompted the following five key questions to ask around the subject of branding: What is your message? What single thing must they know? What are you telling your audience? What do you want them to do? What is your biggest obstacle?
“If particular care and attention is not paid to the ladies, we are determined to foment a rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any laws in which we have no voice or representation.” Abigail Adams
Peggy Wallace, CEO Golden Seeds and Sarah Endline, CEO Sweetriot
Lara Galinsky, SVP Echoing Green and David Freschman, Founder Early Stage East
My second Roundtable discussion was mainly, as the title suggests, about Financing and Building Sustainable Ventures with a focus on entrepreneurship and social entrepreneurship. The panel agreed that while Angel money was tighter, given the current economy, the government was a great resource for funding innovative businesses and a level of persistence was important.
The panelists, moderated by Nichole Wright President/Founder, Bon Vivant, and VP Business Development, Womensphere, included Lara Galinsky Senior Vice President, Echoing Green, Sarah Endline CEO/Founder, Sweetriot, Peggy Wallace Managing Director/Co-Founder, Golden Seeds and David Freschman Founder & Chairman, Early Stage East Innovation Capital Partners, LLC.
“Every man loves two women;the one is the creation of his imagination and the other is not yet born.” Kahlil Gibran
Pray the Devil Back to Hell ~ Everyday Gandhis
The panelists agreed that with the increasing focus on green/sustainable products, there is a growth opportunity in that arena and entrepreneurs with a great idea, focus, purpose, delivery capabilities and the know-how will thrive. Three questions were posed as imperative for every business owner to answer; Who is the customer? What is the problem? How are you going to solve it and sell to the customer?
Two capital lenders were identified, Social Capital Partners (SCP) and Small Business Innovation Research Program (SBIR). Both lenders offer contracts awarded for R&D that directly supports a National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) project. This roundtable session ended with an exhortation to all attendees that we have our business plans and a clear vision of our target market ready before shopping for financial help.
“We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Attributed to Nelson Mandela Inaugural Speech and via Marianne Williamson
The Closing Keynote Speakers at the Womensphere Global Summit
Jacqueline Wales ~ Author of The Fearless Factor
The final closing keynote speakers spoke eloquently about the importance of women building community and finding ways to develop common ground and a supportive space where all women feel supported and validated. The topic, Womensphere Community Circles, addressed the need for far reaching connections and synergistic relationships that help women build effective and lasting community.
The speakers, Michelle Titus, Executive Director, Freshwater Haven Producer, “Tapestries of Hope”; Sara Green, Executive Director/Founder, Art for Refugees in Transition, Saranne Rothberg, CEO/Founder, Comedy Cures Foundation, Susan Colacello Director, Programming and Education Wings Worldquest, Elaine Barsoom,Founder/Chairman, Windows for Widows, Kate Koehler, COO, The Pentagon Federal Credit Union Foundation (The Pentagon Foundation) and Kim Snyder, Filmmaker, “Crossing Midnight” Co-Founder of the BeCause Foundation, encouraged all attendees to actively seek out communities that are life-affirming and encourage thought-leaders within those communities to share wisdom freely.
The Metropolitones
The Metropolitones; an a capella women’s group, completed the summit with the song, Lean on Me, and then everyone headed out for chocolate, wine or home. This was an invaluable conference and I would say keep your eyes peeled for next year’s summit and kudos to Analisa, the speakers, and all the volunteers who gave so freely and fully of their time.
What are your thoughts about this event? Did you attend it? What would have liked the speakers to address? Do Share
Photo Credits
Strong Woman ~ Google Images
Pray the Devil back to Hell 1 & 2 Google Images
Conference Shots ~ mine
Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
Warning: Top 10 Signs You Procrastinate and Tips to Help You take Massive Action!
Warning: Top 10 Signs You Procrastinate and Tips to Help You take Massive Action. Read this Now!
“Procrastination is the fear of success (or failure). People procrastinate because they are afraid of the success that they know will result if they move ahead now. Because success is heavy and carries a responsibility with it, it is much easier to procrastinate and live on the ’someday I’ll’ philosophy.” – Dennis Waitley
“Don’t be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin.” – Grace Hansen
Procrastination is: to put off intentionally and habitually the completion of a task or something that should be done.
Prague - Townhall Clock: Why Do Today What You Can Put Off For Tomorrow?
Most of us, from time to time, put off doing tasks that seem challenging or boring. We avoid certain chores because they trigger emotions in us that raise questions and fears about how we handle failure/success. For some people, depression or other traumatic, life shifting events can trigger a malaise that leads to a pattern of procrastination and the counsel of a medical professional is highly recommended.
For the rest of us, procrastination means we make excuses, we feign illness, we develop amnesia, we scramble/delegate at the last minute, or we simply abandon ship and head for the shore. Procrastination does not have to become a debilitating condition; however, the difference between an occasional avoidance tactic and a chronic pattern of procrastination comes down to how often our tasks are completed or compromised.
“Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday.” – Napoleon Hill
“There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth — Not going all the way, and not starting.” – Buddha
Dilbert: The Procrastinator at work...
Procrastination, like achievement, is a mindset, a habit, a pattern of behaviors that can support or negate our efforts to accomplish our goals and dreams. As we set goals, ask questions about the road to success, and visualize our dreams, we must be equally vigilant in developing skills and habits that help us overcome the tendency to abuse our time and settle for less than our best. You can master your tendencies and overcome the seeds of procrastination.
If you find yourself constantly putting things off without a legitimate, urgent reason, you might be the ideal candidate for a procrastination checkup and the following signs and tips below will help you address the problem, kick the habit to the curb and reclaim your motivation and spirit.
“Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness, no delay, no procrastination; never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.” – Lord Chesterfield
“It is in the small decisions you and I make every day that create our destiny.” – Anthony Robbins
The Bookstore: As we hem and haw, the books stay closed...
Hardwork pays...
Lack of Commitment and Avoidance Tactics: Do you constantly put off setting a date to start writing your blog, learning a new language, starting an exercise program or even finishing your assignments? Do you over-schedule your day and then run yourself ragged? Do you avoid tasks for fear you might get overwhelmed?
TIPS: What are you afraid of? Start now, start small. Start with focusing on completing one task in the here and now. Don’t focus on the applause or outcomes but on your commitment to completion. Acknowledge the reasons for avoiding the tasks and then do them. If you don’t know where to start and find that your priorities are out of order, revisit your vision of success and don’t ignore the value of taking time for self-reflection. Reflect and then get back on track.
Lack of Passion/Energy or the Will to Change: Do you find your passion and energy dissipating as the project deadline approaches on a task? Do you find your willpower waning because the CEO made changes to your original plans for the project?
TIPS: What got you excited in the first place? Reflect back to the original enthusiasm you had for the project and how you can still contribute without getting too emotionally invested in the outcome or dynamics of other personalities. Change can be scary but if you recognize that you can work in small increments, it won’t be so daunting. Consult with other members of your team, including your boss, to get a clearer sense of their objectives and how they align with yours.
“Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases and its toll on success and happiness is heavy.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer
“The key to happiness is having dreams; the key to success is making them come true.” -James Allen
Traffic at a Standstill: The Procrastinator Pauses...
The Blank Screen...
Poor Time Management: Do you struggle to maintain control over your meeting time and deadlines? Do you frequently ask for production line/writing assignment extensions and push back deadlines?
TIPS: Even if you thrive in a pressure filled environment, it is important to gain some perspective on the use and abuse of time. Setting realistic deadlines is imperative, and creating a system of checks and balances that can help you monitor how much time you need to complete assignments will be helpful. If you write, try a tip on writing an article/blog fast; in 20 minutes via Copyblogger. Maintain a rigorous Outlook calendar and use it regularly. Reset a clock, give yourself earlier due dates, have a team of buddies to work with you on timelines and minimize requests for deadline changes. If you always wait to the last minute and have your priorities mixed up then you need to reevaluate your habits.
Negative Attitude vs. Positive: Do you use other people’s behavior as an excuse for not performing your tasks? Did the service start late because the waiters were unprepared or because you forgot to rehearse them? Do you blame the customers/clients for the deal that went south?
TIPS: Procrastination has a tremendous impact on our approach to situations and delaying the need to correct a problem will contribute to a negative attitude and outcome. Don’t put off addressing delicate or difficult issues that must be handled immediately. When an error or oversight occurs, address it, apologize and take swift action to correct it and move forward. Lingering on the negative increases the chance of inaction and subsequent customer dissatisfaction.
“My evil genius, Procrastination, has whispered me to tarry ’til a more convenient season.” – Mary Todd Lincoln
“Champions aren’t made in the gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them — a desire, a dream, a vision.” -Muhammad Ali
Procrastinate: And while You wait...
The Existential Fish...
The Perfectionism Factor: Do you start and stop a creative project because your imaginary muse is on vacation? Do you dwell on the minutiae rather than the major aspects of a problem? Do you put off paying bills and scheduling holidays till the last due date?
TIPS: The perfect time to start anything is NOW. The difference between those who become successful and the rest of us is that the successful press on and stick to their goals/dreams through success and failure. To wait for the best time or ideal moment is to kiss the moon while holding onto the notion that the sun will shine at midnight. It is unrealistic to compose your memoir fully in your head but never write it down because the final chapter hasn’t happened. Take a moment to think about the absurdity of expecting perfectionism in an imperfect world. Start where you are and edit as you go along. Even the best writers have editors.
The Fear of Failure: Do you stop yourself from pursuing your heartfelt dreams because you fear to fail? Do you refuse to volunteer for bigger roles or complex assignments? Do you imagine the world will treat you with derision if you make a mistake or fail at something? Do you discourage yourself from seizing opportunities because you think you’re not good enough?
TIPS: Who is good enough? Even the most successful have faults that frustrate them. Our flaws don’t define us. Imagine your fear as a barrier to your success and that if you push at it daily and try to perform even one action that brings you closer to your goals then you will be on the path to your vision of success. Commit to face a fear by trying something new like a public speaking class or learning to skydive. Volunteer to chair an event or present a project for your team and ask others for support and help. Feed your mind positive affirmations and empowering thoughts to overcome the negative backtalk. You would not want your final moment on earth to be filled with regrets of not knowing if things could have been different. Take one step against fear and the universe will rally to support you.
“I remember reading somewhere about an organization called Procrastinators Anonymous. I think they had been in existence for some years but had never gotten around to having a meeting.” – Unknown
“Success is a journey, not a destination.” -Ben Sweetland
Even our Congressmen and women do... via Bennet
Behind the Desk... What a mess?
The Fear of Success: Do you sabotage your good efforts because you fear success? Do you deride your accomplishments and show up unprepared? Do you make excuses for why, with your ability to draw, design, write and sing, you do nothing?
TIPS: You must act in spite of your fears and focus on the immediacy of the job at hand. The key is to not fixate on the potential or future rewards of your actions but on accomplishing the current agenda or duties that need attention. The procrastinator’s biggest nightmare is to fail at something they excel at and so conversely, it means they fear success because they do nothing. We all know a super talented XYZ who, if only they recognized their own genius, would rule the world in their profession or field of study. The procrastinator puts things off with the promise to get back to it soon; and soon gets pushed back again and again. Casting plans aside with the verbal promise to get back to it is an empty promise that cancels the opportunity to venture beyond fear and achieve even a modicum of success. What is required is action; consistent repetitive action.
Delusions of Grandeur and Unrealistic Goals: Do you talk about owning your own billion dollar business and traveling the world yet have no game plan? Do you brag about your brilliant mind, your skill at chess or the violin, your excellence at deconstructing design but never practice or study? Do you day dream about ruling the world but never get out of bed?
TIPS: If you set goals without taking the necessary action to achieve them then those goals become delusional, unrealistic fantasies. The delusion creates a wall you come up against when you think you are trying to start something meaningful. For instance, if you wish to build a billion dollar business you must start somewhere and have a plan. Where is your business plan, your product, and your marketing plan? You will need to reframe your goals, consult with experts voices and act with a sense of purpose; a clear direction of how you plan to initiate the first step to entrepreneurial success.
“If you procrastinate when faced with big difficult problems… break the problem into parts, and handle one part at a time.” – Robert Collier
“To be a champion, you have to believe in yourself when nobody else will.” — Sugar Ray Robinson
Bidding Time ... with Animal Collective
As Time Passes by... Tempus Fugit.
The Issue of Control: Do you use issues around control to create delays in completing an important project? Are you dealing with personal co-dependence/independence issues? Do you complete important assignments late and blame others for it?
TIPS: When you show up “fashionably late” to everything, it is your ego at work not your impeccable taste. When we fail to accommodate other people’s needs and create needless drama to increase our chances of being in control, we have created a manipulative yet unnecessary delay on a project. The cure for this type of behavior is to distribute control across the team(s) so more people are held accountable and feel validated for their role in the assignments. When you feel unprepared, you feel out of control and the domino effect creates havoc and leads to procrastination. Focusing on preparing your tasks early, rehearsing them, and then sharing control will make a great difference in this matter.
Lack of Confidence: Do you feel insecure about your skills and avoid taking charge? Are your self-esteem issues getting in the way of work and goals? Do you worry constantly about what others think of you?
TIPS: We all have times when we feel inadequate and yet, we must remain focused on the work we must do. Our level of confidence grows with our exertion of effort on tasks/assignments. When we apply ourselves and learn new ways to do our job, the frustration that comes from not knowing is reduced and our self-esteem is boosted. Instead of focusing on areas of lack and worrying about what others would say or think, it is important to find areas of strength and build on those areas while we perform our roles/obligations. Also, we can achieve more when we solicit the assistance of others and trust that they can make a difference too.
At the 11th Hour ... Procrastinate no more... via Kelly
Completion is king ... in the land of Procrastination
Don’t despair if you are still struggling with procrastination; make a commitment to tackle the matter with clear and decisive action. Take the first step by acting on even a small request and then keep going… Starting is difficult but once you do, the rest is history. What do you think? How do you manage your tendencies? Do comment and share your thoughts.
Photo Credits:
Prague Town hall Clock ~ Google Images
Dilbert The Procrastinator ~ Scott Adams
The Boy in a Bookstore ~ Google Images
Hardwork pays ~ Google Images
Traffic at a Standstill ~ Frederic Poirot via Flikr
The Blank Screen ~ Google Images
Procrastinate ~ Google Images
The Existential Fish ~ Google Images via Sangrea.net
Congress via Bennett ~ Christian Science Monitor
Behind the Desk ~ Google Images
Bidding Time ~ via Animal Collective
As Time Passes by ~ Google Images
At the 11th Hour via Kelly ~ Google Images
Completion is King ~ Google Images
Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
NFL Team Spirit: Building Community the Football Fan Way…
NFL Team Spirit: Building Community the Football Fan Way…
“The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur.” Vince Lombardi
Brett Favre and the Minnesota Vikings
In most parts of the world, the word football is another term for soccer. In the USA, the National Football League (NFL) oversees two conferences for Professional football players who excel at playing in the most popular and highly viewed American sport. The competitive drama, pre/post game shows, prognosticating talking heads analyzing strategies, plays, decisions, wall to wall TV coverage on multiple networks, gambling, fans, colorful uniforms and characters make it a favored pastime and regular Sunday/Monday fare for millions of Americans.
Why does this matter? Well, it matters because every season, communities of fans dust off their jerseys and head out for 5 months of games in snow, rain, sleet and shine, wins and losses, playoffs, team eliminations and finally a Superbowl champion. They teach the rest of us what team spirit means and how vital it is to everything we ultimately do.
Ben Roethlisberger (7) and the Pittsburgh Steelers
The NFL history as we know it today, evolved from a modified game of Rugby in 1869 to what we now recognize as modern day American football; made up of highly paid players, a league with two conferences and the Superbowl to crown a champion. The NFL season starts early September and ends early February culminating in the Superbowl game; when the top two teams that survived the playoffs compete for the Vince Lombardi trophy. The winner of the NFC and the winner of the AFC play for the trophy and the players for the winning team also get the famous championship ring. The 2008 Superbowl champions were the Pittsburgh Steelers who defeated the Arizona Cardinals on a last second touchdown.
“If my mother put on a helmet and shoulder pads and a uniform that wasn’t the same as the one I was wearing, I’d run over her if she was in my way. And I love my mother.” Bo Jackson
A Green Bay Packer Cheese Head Fan...
A NY Giants Fan...
What makes the spirit of community in this game admirable is the deep loyalty of NFL fans who go to games, watch from home, and travel around wearing their major league sports paraphernalia from sports jerseys, caps, and for those Green Bay Packers Wisconsin fans, foam cheese heads.
NFL Top Jerseys ... and the Winner is?
The licensed apparel business, a multi-million dollar industry, benefits from the dedicated purchases of fans who want and wear authentic team merchandise. In the 1990s, logo items were very hot and every celebrity, rap star and regular joe wore them. However, the days of rap artists wearing team logo jerseys and caps for shows are long gone and now the industry mostly feeds the tastes and desires of its fan bases; many of whom are generational. Fortunately, the clothing remains a staple in fans closets and are worn to games like chainmaille armor on a warring knight. According to a CNBC report, the Top 20 player jerseys this year are:
1. Brett Favre, Vikings →→→→2. Jay Cutler, Bears
3. Troy Polamalu, Steelers →→→→4. Michael Vick, Eagles
5. Ben Roethlisberger, Steelers →→→→6. Tony Romo, Cowboys
7. Mark Sanchez, Jets →→→→8. Tom Brady, Patriots
9. Adrian Peterson, Vikings →→→→10. Eli Manning, Giants
11. Terrell Owens, Bills →→→→12. Peyton Manning, Colts
13. Hines Ward, Steelers →→→→14. LaDainian Tomlinson, Chargers
15. Jason Witten, Cowboys →→→→16. Larry Fitzgerald, Cardinals
17. Joe Flacco, Ravens →→→→18. Matt Ryan, Falcons
19. Aaron Rodgers, Packers →→→→20. Michael Crabtree, 49ers
“One of my beliefs is that there are certain institutions within a community which stand for the spirit and heart of that community, there’s the church, the local football team, the local pub and the theatre.” David Soul
Madden 10 Videogame cover ~ Fitzgerald and Polamalu
In addition to home/away games, 16 a season, football fans enjoy participating in another pastime; the growing popularity of fantasy football which allows friends, family, colleagues and strangers from around the world to create teams using stats from real players (you draft a team of actual NFL players online only) to compete against each other. Among the younger generation, fans enjoy the video game version of NFL football called Madden named after famous former coach and broadcaster; John Madden.
Football Fans come out in all weather conditions...
There is a camaraderie amongst supporters and a strong sense of family and community at games. The fierce loyalty makes fans sit through all kinds of weather conditions to cheer on their home teams. Imagine how powerful this attitude could be in any work environment?
“There are several differences between a football game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also, there are usually more casualties in a football game.” Alfred Hitchcock
Jim McMahon in character
William The Refridgerator Perry of The Chicago Bears
Over the years, the sport has had its share of talented, colorful characters. These were guys who made people like me, who typically see Monday night football as Ice cream discount night at the local Haagen Dazs store, watch football. Amazing players like Bo Jackson played both professional baseball and football. Others like Refrigerator Perry, Jim McMahon, Billy White shoes Johnson, Deion Sanders, Chad Ochocinco (formerly Johnson), and Michael Strahan have kept the game fun and entertaining.
Albert Haynesworth and his mom Linda
NFL players in general can make a lot of money. Most come straight from college and don’t finish/graduate college because they have to give up their last semester to prepare for NFL tryouts. The game is brutal and the risk of injuries is high; careers can be cut short when a player is severely injured on the field. They don’t get a lot of sympathy from the public because their minimum salaries are high and top players, like Albert Haynesworth the $100 million dollar man or Eli Manning who has a six-year, $97.5 million contract that will pay him $15.3 million a season guaranteed even if he gets hurt, can make massive sums of money.
“Football is like life, it requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority.” Vince Lombardi
Eli, Peyton and Archie Manning via Bill Frakes Getty Images
Even with the huge sums of earnings players make, being top notch is equally important to team owners and players. Diehard fans expect their teams to deliver results and rally protectively behind them like a lioness does her cubs. While the list below could change by year’s end, according to Peter Schrager of Foxsports news, remember I am only the messenger, the top 20 players in 2009 are:
1. Peyton Manning, QB, Indianapolis Colts →→→→2. Tom Brady, QB, New England Patriots
3. Ben Roethlisberger, QB, Pittsburgh Steelers →→→→4. Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Arizona Cardinals
5. Adrian Peterson, RB, Minnesota Vikings →→→→6. DeMarcus Ware, DE/LB, Dallas Cowboys
7. Drew Brees, QB, New Orleans Saints →→→→ 8. Jared Allen, DE, Minnesota Vikings
9. Julius Peppers, DE, Carolina Panthers →→→→10. Ed Reed, S, Baltimore Ravens
11. James Harrison, LB, Pittsburgh Steelers →→→→12. Nnamdi Asomugha, CB, Oakland Raiders
13. Andre Johnson, WR, Houston Texans →→→→14. Albert Haynesworth, DT, Washington Redskins
15. Troy Polamalu, S, Pittsburgh Steelers →→→→16. Philip Rivers, QB, San Diego Chargers
17. Eli Manning, QB, New York Giants →→→→18. Steve Smith, WR, Carolina Panthers
19. Shawne Merriman, LB, San Diego Chargers →→→→20. Jon Beason, LB, Carolina Panthers
Chad OchoCinco racing against a Polo Horse?
For all the hoopla, entertainment and good cheer these players bring to the viewing public, the down side to professional football is the short game lifespan and the lack of job security; players can get cut anytime and the attrition rate due to injury is even greater. A 60 minutes story this evening (10/11/2009) mentioned that NFL players have a higher likelihood of being amongst athletes who become casualties of the 3 million concussions that occur in sports every year. Despite the injured, every year new draft picks are selected and injured players are treated and benched. The games continue… Every season, regardless of who the new drafted players are or who’s out due to injuries, the fans show up to support their teams and keep track of the NFL scores; a weekly tabulation of games scores … Indeed, the games must go on.
Oreos LickOff ~ Eli and Peyton Manning against Serena and Venus Williams
Whatever it is, NFL players have captured the American sports imagination and epitomize all things Americana; like Oreos, Apple Pie and well … Baseball. What are your views on fans and community building? Where else do you observe such fierce fan loyalty? Are you a fan of … anything?
Photo Credits:
Brett Favre and Minnesota Vikings ~ Google Images
Ben Roethlisberger and the Pittsburgh Steelers ~ Google Images
A Green Bay Packer Cheese Head Fan ~ Google Images
NFL Top Jerseys ~ Reebok.com?
Madden 10 Videogame cover of Fitzgerald and Polamalu ~ Google Images
Football Fans in snow ~ Google Images
Jim McMahon ~ Google Images
William “The Refrigerator” Perry ~ Google Images
Albert Haynesworth and his mom Linda ~ Google Images
Eli, Peyton and Archie Manning ~ via Bill Frakes Getty Images
Chad OchoCinco racing ~ Google Images
Eli and Peyton Manning against Serena and Venus Williams ~ Google Images
Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
Seek Peace: Nine Great Teachers of Peace and Non-Violence Movements
Seek Peace: Honoring Nine Great Teachers of Peace and Non-Violence Movements
“They are not following dharma that resort to violence to achieve their purpose. But those who lead others through nonviolent means, knowing right and wrong, may be called guardians of the dharma.” Buddha
“How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good tidings, who publishes peace.” Isaiah 52:7
“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.” Khalil Gibran
Peace: A Timeless State by Ram Morrison
October 2nd is designated – The International Day of Non-Violence – in honor of the birthday of one of the most revered proponents of non-violence; Bapu Mahatma Gandhi. In his birthplace, India, the day is referred to as Gandhi Jayanti; a proclamation of great praise.
We live in a world where, even in the face of great compassion and love, petty hatreds and ancient grievances mar the call for peaceful coexistence. The road to global peace is not an easy one, yet the men and women on my list of nine great teachers of peace/non-violence have lived their lives with the vision that war is never the answer to lasting peace, and that humanity owes its survival to finding peaceful and effective solutions to conflict. It is imperative that we, all of us, find common ground.
“Every beauty and greatness in this world is created by a single thought or emotion inside a man. Everything we see today, made by past generations, was, before its appearance, a thought in the mind of a man or an impulse in the heart of a woman.” Khalil Gibran on Peace.
Nobel Peace Prize winner - President Barack Obama by John Moore via Getty Images
It is apt that the Nobel Prizes are handed out during a time of reflection; reminding us to pay heed to the urgent need to build global consensus on matters that impact all of us. Whether in the areas of peace negotiations, environmental considerations, nuclear disarmament, global health matters, climatic challenges, or the resolution of factional wars, this is a global call to action to engage in acts of unity and peace. President Obama’s fortuitous award of the Nobel Peace Prize comes at a time when the rest of the world is watching, expecting, and definitely supporting our president to be fearless on the road to building bridges of peace around the globe. The Nobel Peace Prize is one of five awards handed out yearly through a bequest from Alfred Nobel; a wealthy industrialist. The awards are announced in Oslo where the committee gathers to review a slew of nominees and select winners.
The USA is an important political player and ally to many nations that want and seek peaceful resolutions to complex matters. Tough questions will be posed and detractors will abound on this Nobel Prize subject, but I pray that we don’t lose sight of the positive impact of this award and the reminder that global peace is imperative. President Obama’s award sends a clear message that the Nobel committee, and by default many of us, expect the continuation of his conciliatory approach to international diplomacy and governance. Congratulations President Obama!
“We look forward to the time when the Power of Love will replace the Love of Power. Then will our world know the blessings of peace.” William Gladstone
“Peace is the altar of God, the condition in which happiness exists.” Paramahansa Yogananda
Peace: Finding Peace in Nature by Kim Candy
My dream is that one day, we will have a world where our children truly enjoy the legacy of peace we have imagined and struggled for. Everyone can make a difference even in the smallest way. The key is to start wherever you are by being sensitive to the needs of others in your community, managing your use of natural resources, and contributing your skills and ideas.
As I gathered material for my list, it became apparent that the great teachers I selected did not start life with lofty ideals about humanity but felt compelled to stand up against oppression and human suffering; it was a calling and, from time to time, we are all called to stand in truth. I suspect you have your own list so feel free to contribute more names to my comments section below.
“If you yourself are at peace, then there is at least some peace in the world.” Thomas Merton
“If there is to be peace in the world, there must be peace in the nations, in the cities, between neighbors, in the home and in the heart.” Lao Tzu
Peace: A Glowing Symbol of Peace via Lord Sleeper
My list of nine (9) great teachers of the peace/nonviolence movement was culled from a much larger selection of names. I chose to focus on the following nine because their life’s work has always held tremendous meaning for me and I hope for you too. I have met or read about many other great teachers however, the following nine stand out:
Mahatma Gandhi
Martin Luther King Jr
Mother Teresa
Amma ~ Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi
The Dalai Lama
Nelson Mandela
Rigoberta Menchu
César Chávez
Leymah Gbowee and The Liberian Women’s peace movement.
More Later so please stop by. TBC…
PHOTO CREDITS:
A Timeless State by Ram Morrison via Google Images
President Barack Obama by John Moore via Getty Images
Finding Peace in Nature by Kim Candy via Google Images
A Glowing Symbol of Peace via Lord Sleeper at Photobucket
Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
Fame, Friendships and Social Media Connections Part II.
“While friendship itself has an air of eternity about it, seeming to transcend all natural limits, there is hardly any emotion so utterly at the mercy of time. We form friendships, and grow out of them. It might almost be said that we cannot retain the faculty of friendship unless we are continually making new friends.” Robert Hugh Benson
Friendship Highway - Tibet gorge
If you recall, we started this blog in Part I ~Redefining the Medium: Fleeting Fame, Fast Friends and Social Media Connections, where I touched on the not so delicate matter of the confidential, taped interviews of Michael Jackson. The Rabbi is entitled to his decision though I still wonder where, as compassionate humans, we ought to draw the line when we engage in the public dissemination of private conversations. If the notion of confidentiality in friendship is slowly losing its cachet, should it be surprising that private confidences are exposed for all to see on social network sites?
“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” Henri Nouwen
The Social Media Conversation ~ A Landscape of competing voices
In addition to the constant dissemination of sapid news or trending topics, another critical element in this conversation is the ever-growing influence Social Media (SM) has on our definitions of friendship on social networking sites. SM provides social interaction via the use of social networking tools/sites that encourage and enhance the human need to be in constant communication with each other. Even when we are not physically present, we have the capacity to connect with our ever growing sphere of friends and family through an impressive range of social networking, online media channels.
The ease of connecting with celebs, media moguls and people from all works of life contributes to the huge success of the medium. From the comfort of your laptop, you can reach out and “touch” a ton of people. Businesses have cottoned on to this obvious marketing tool and are a growing presence on Twitter, Facebook and a host of other sites. Legacy bloggers and online experts have become international stars as the global reach of the internet allows greater access to their work; often via a blog link or direct connection on a networking site. This massive exposure has a catch; it attracts friends and foes alike and all have to contend with the fickle tendencies of their audience/readership.
“How does one keep from “growing old inside”? Surely only in community. The only way to make friends with time is to stay friends with people…. Taking community seriously not only gives us the companionship we need, it also relieves us of the notion that we are indispensable.” Robert McAfee Brown
Familiar Friendships build communities ~ Pablo Picasso 1908
The growth of online communities and virtual relationships adds another dimension to the traditional definition of friendship. Traditionally, we meet our friends, and occasionally, our acquaintances and enemies, in person. We celebrate milestones with our loved ones and closest friends. We develop many friendships that last a lifetime and the word -friend- carries much weight. While these friendships are also sustained through social engagements, emails, phone calls, letters and visits, a key benefit is the face time spent together; face time in real time, real life, real world settings.
In our virtual communities the word – friend – is used loosely. Befriending others is definitely imperative to enlarging our sphere of influence in the Virtualverse©, however, virtual friends can remain incognito, be traded for burgers, become viral/spammy, be ignored, unfollowed or invited to attend/join a dizzying number of virtual clubs/groups/parties. The standard rules of friendship don’t always apply in these arenas and that is what triggers the sense of urgency to find more/new friends. Friendly engagement is encouraged at initial contact until the euphoria wears off, the next great connection shows up, or the social connectors simply move on. Buzzing around like bees in search of nectar, we miss the chance to get to know each other beyond our catchy user names and superficial introductions.
“True friendship consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and value.” Ben Jonson
Spectrum of Online Relationships via David Carr
Besides Facebook and Twitter, two top sites that have become dominant, heirs apparent to the social networking universe, MySpace, LinkedIn, Plaxo, Flickr, YouTube, Match.com, eHarmony and a slew of other online networking sites also contribute to the concept of building digital identities and friendships; they collect our data and announce us to others with similar goals or interests. Each site markets itself as a distinct, social network community replete with its own unique culture and rules of engagement. Of course, there is some cross-pollination as these sites battle to offer more and more features, benefits and values to their growing, global subscribers.
David Carr’s Spectrum of online relationships illustrates the genesis of an online contact and its ultimate destination; a place where if all goes well, we invest, collaborate and share wins. The dynamics that play into online social encounters are, to an extent, similar to offline social exchanges. There is the equivalent of flirtation, then courtship, a marriage of mutual interests, piqued or waning interest, followed by a collaborative or disaffected friendship connection. The difference is that online, the progression from initiate to fast friendship is immediate; even while the new “friend” on either side remains unknown.
“A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley than to those who inhabit the mountain?” Kahlil Gibran
Foundation: The Friendship Tree is conjoined and deeply rooted...
Nevertheless, the fast pace of our social network interactions has contributed to the challenge of finding time to connect with new and old friends beyond the initial hello. Facebook and Twitter use the word “friend” when encouraging us to build our connections whether through Friend Finder on Facebook or the myriads ways we build conscious or unconscious friendships on Twitter. Naturally, the primary intention behind most of our “friending” on SM sites is about having a virtual interactive experience, however, some people do take the word literally. True friendships grow and, like a mature tree, produce deep roots to solidify the depth of the friendship. Forced or fast friendships don’t; unless each side makes a concerted effort to become invested in its growth.
LinkedIn and Plaxo offer “friend” as a selected option when connecting with or inviting other people to become a business contact. This option is probably chosen by people when a link/connection does not fit under one of the obvious work-related categories. For instance, a Twitter or Facebook friend will also be a LinkedIn friend unless they belong to one of your groups or have a business connection with you and your resume in the real world. Ironically, you can be triple connected on multiple sites and still know only snippets of information about your connections. quite remarkable isn’t it?
“You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what’s a life, anyway? We’re born, we live a little while, we die. A spider’s life can’t help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone’s life can stand a little of that.” E. B. White (Charlotte in “Charlotte’s Web”)
The Social Media Jungle ... A real escape from virtual reality...
Inevitably, as media attention swirling around Facebook and Twitter has grown, more celebrities and big businesses have jumped on the bandwagon. Ashton Kutcher became the first Tweep to gain a million followers. Oprah soon followed. Actors, singers, writers (J.K.Rowling joined recently), athletes and other entertaining folk from a wide spectrum of fields have since joined the fray; some of them pay attention to their random tweets and quickly get their fawning, following millions. New rules have had to be implemented for the community and especially for those intent on abusing it. Virtual fame and friends still come fast and furious as applications from Tweetdeck to Twittorati keep us all on our toes.
“No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.” Alice Walker
15 Minutes of Fame: Everyone will have theirs in this lifetime ~ Andy Warhol
To keep up with its version of close encounters of the expanding friendship network, Facebook has also implemented new rules to accommodate the growing noise and cancel out some of the anonymity that encourages virtual abuse. Aside from owning our names on FB, we have more customizable control over what we and our “friends” can see and read. You can now choose to use Facebook Connect via your FB page for both business and social connections and keep the connections separate. You simply customize your friendly connections into controlled categories; ending up with self-created levels or degrees of friendships with ranging access. Businesses, industry experts, the famous, and wannabees can all have fan pages dedicated to their products, craft or causes.
LinkedIn, which is all about business connections, continues to steer its membership into maintaining a business orientation by advocating group memberships, strict rules around sending invites and professional mode photos. It recently laid down the law by removing, without warning, profile photo images considered in violation of the LinkedIn Photo Policy because they were “not an accurate representation of you.” Images that were not representative of the human or company brand behind it were unceremoniously cast aside. Social friendships might be developed through the groups you join, but that doesn’t seem to be the modus operandi of LinkedIn.
“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.” Rachel Naomi Remen
Social Media: What do we think?
In addition to redefinitions of friendships, another interesting cultural shift that has occurred within these virtual communities is that the Virtualverse, which might have once prided itself on being an egalitarian construct, is increasingly less so. The virtual world is becoming more of a microcosm of the social, real world we actually inhabit; with procedures, power players and plebs – shades of j. doe and everyone else. There is also the not so current but growing trend towards monetizing our social networking connections which has brought some new players, big and small businesses, spammers and faster friends on the scene. I wonder how these players interact and if they truly listen to the needs of the community. The word, in some circles, is that we all stand to benefit from this mass monetization campaign. Do we? How?
My main concern is that the spontaneous creativity and excitement that welcomed a new generation of socialized technology might get circumvented by the rush to cash in/out. We need to listen to the reactions in our larger communities and track the way newer types of monetized, exclusive communities are evolving. As we try to build a sense of real community within our virtual communities, how will this drive to monetize them impact us? While this could be a good thing, I don’t have all the answers. Do you?
As we struggle to make meaning of our social networks and their influence on fame, friendships, business and media connections, we must revisit the original impulse that triggered the birth of virtual communities. The original idea of building online, social communities for people to congregate and communicate must remain fundamental to the survival of our social network sites. If not, something new will have to replace it or we will all have to go back to the proverbial drawing board. What do you think the future holds for SM sites? What’s next and when? Share your food for thought.
Photo Credits:
Friendship Highway, Tibet Gorge ~ Marty L. Lutz
The Social Media Conversation via Brian S and Jesse ~ Google Images
Friendship by Pablo Picasso 1908 via Olga’s Gallery
Spectrum of Online Relationships via David Carr
The Friendship Tree by Ian Marke 2006©
The Social Media Jungle ~ Google Images
15 Minutes of Fame ~ Google Images
Social Media: What we think ~ Google Images
Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
Redefining the Medium: Fleeting Fame, Fast Friends and Social Media Connections Part I.
Redefining the Medium: Fleeting Fame, Fast Friends and Shifting Social Media Connections Part I.
“The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Korean Bell of Friendship
Friendship: the quality or state of being friendly, attached to another by affection or esteem: favored companion. Webster
Fame: the state or quality of being widely honored and acclaimed. Webster
Social Media: Social media supports the human need for social interaction, using Internet- and web-based technologies/tools to transform broadcast media monologues (one to many) into social media dialogues (many to many). Wikipedia
“Every expression of desired friendship has potential bite. Every smile reveals the teeth.” Dean Koontz
Friendship Highway - Tibet gorge
Recently, I watched Rabbi Schmuley Boteach speak about his tapes/new book during an NBC Today show interview. The explanation for why he wrote the book, based on 30 hours of taped confidential interviews with Michael Jackson, gave me pause. I paused because I wondered how the dead would truly react if they could respond to the actions of those who choose to speak on their behalf; sometimes in the name of friendship.
No matter how objective one wishes to be on matters of public interest, there comes a time when one must stop and wonder about the fleeting nature of fame and friendships. Of course, in Michael Jackson’s case, one wonders: Is this the action of a true friend? At what point do we cross the line of offering meaningful support to taking advantage in a relationship? Should all relationships be considered sacrosanct? In our contemporary, fast moving world of instant gratification, what is the new definition of friendship? Should the deceased be spared or, in the battle for media attention, is everything and everyone game?
“Silence is the true friend that never betrays.” Confucius
Friendship, Love and Truth
This is far from shocking especially when we consider that we live in a world where many of us clamor for our Andy Warhol coined phrase of 15-minutes-of-fame; while, needless to say, some of us focus on the extended version. Ironically, in the scramble for fast and fleeting fame, we have allowed our friendships to disintegrate; we know reality TV characters better than we know ourselves. We bond endlessly with people we have never met; and hopefully with some we plan to meet. Our TV friends meet us everywhere; online, offline and in hard copy. How does this serve our growth as social beings?
“What is a friend? – A single soul dwelling in two bodies.” Aristotle
Friendly Cubs
We have inherited a world where as the interviewer on a rather interesting episode of CBS’ 60 minutes suggested, CMG Worldwide is the CAA for “Delebrities” – the Dead On Arrival. For the famous, death can bring a new crop of fans and friends. For the living, Einstein is the biggest Deleb and according to a Wiki report, 85,000 claim to make a living as professional Elvis Impersonators. Yes, one can appreciate the need to give proper acknowledgment to the deceased and we must honor them, but what about the living? Aside from the financial benefits to heirs and handlers, what are the implications of this notion of perpetual, eternal fan friendships?
Looking back at the Michael Jackson Tapes revelation, what was equally telling was how different media outlets chose to present this discomfiting revelation of MJ’s private chats. It was viewed through different lenses; some clear, some tinted and others fogged over. An underlying question ought to be, do we need to know more? Granted, this is news, however, do we linger long enough to contemplate how massive doses of data flung at our heads are sifted? Do we still exercise logic and the process of evaluation? Do we need to be privy to every incestuous relationship? Even in the name of fame, fanship or friendship? I think most of us let the data fly by and then revisit it when we have quiet moments.
“I’m Nobody! Who are you? Are you — Nobody — too?
Then there’s a pair of us? Don’t tell! They’d advertise — you know!” Emily Dickinson
Two Elephant Trunks meet in Friendship
With the tremendous exposure to instant sound bites on what celebrities, close and distant friends/family, and even acquaintances do, it is no wonder that media saturation and information overload have blurred the lines between what we once considered public fodder and private discourse. With the click of a mouse, we have immediate access to information that can educate, titillate and truly aggravate us. We are not always better informed by the excess. Sometimes, it is simply, just damn overwhelming. Whether you are famous, infamous or irrelevant (though no one should be considered such), the internet has become home to all our fibs and foibles. Hence, it is not surprising that our definitions of friendship are distorted.
“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” Anais Nin
HitLab Augmented Reality
Since many of us today are increasingly busy with our social networking communications, we have little time left for actual real life interactions. We have access to sophisticated toys, a growing array of new technologies and social network sites that have augmented and amplified our relationships and sense of reality. Some of these new technologies, like Augmented Reality (AR), a term coined in 1990 by Thomas Caudell, can and do offer compelling opportunities in the medical, gaming and learning environments. AR conferences draw industry gurus and brilliant researchers who are pushing the boundaries of invented reality; albeit an augmented one.
AR, in real-time, merges virtual 3D objects into real world video sources and creates a mixed reality. For instance, AR creates virtual characters that can step out of the page of a story book or a video screen as if real. There is research work on using AR technology to create virtual celebrities. This brings to mind the realization that, potentially, every child’s imaginary friend can be brought to life to interact and engage the child in some version of 3D wonderment. Yes, medical and learning environments will be enriched. All well and good … however, I can’t help but ask how this will affect our sense of wonderment and our use of pure imagination? I hope for the better…
More Later. TBC…
Photo Credits: Korean Bell ~ Google Images
Friendship Highway, Tibet Gorge ~ Marty L. Lutz
Friendship, Love and Truth ~ Google Images
Friendship ~ Icanhascheeseburger.com
Two Elephants in Friendship ~ Google images
Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
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